VR6MANN 0 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 A man walks into a clock shop and sees a lovely assistant. He slaps his dick down on the counter - she says "its a clock shop sir!" "I know put 2 hands and a face on that!" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nero1701 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Took the wife out last night,Clean right hook was a cracker Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started... Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Saturday morning a man got up early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, and slipped quietly into his garage. He hooked up his boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed, he cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."His loving wife of 1 year replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nero1701 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Was the wife's birthday the other day so I bought her a belt and a bag.The hoover now works great. Link to post Share on other sites
The Monk 50 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 I was outside ASDA the other day, after using a cashpoint, an old lady asked me if I could check her balance...So I pushed her over, Link to post Share on other sites
nivag27 5 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 i brought a goldfish and the f00king thing,s epileptic..but if i leave it in the bowl its fine Link to post Share on other sites
cabrioman 6 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 a dwarf pulls in a bar and tells the girl he can give her the ride of her life. curiously she goes home with him and before she knows it, shes lying on the bed screaming in ecstasy. she says to the dwarf " you are amazing!" the dwarf replies "thats fuck all love, just wait till i get the other leg in!" Link to post Share on other sites
cabrioman 6 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 2 eggs booiling in a pan, 1 says "i`ve got a huge crack" the other replies "stop teasing me, im not f**king hard yet" Link to post Share on other sites
cabrioman 6 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 The creation of the pussy - (meow)7 wise men with the knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a buthcer with smart wit, using a knife he gave it a slit. Second was a carptenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisle he gave it a hole. Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet he lined it within. Forth was hunter. short and stout, with a piece of fur he lined it without. Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee. Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and f**ked it and called it a ****. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoth 5 Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 worth a reprise, as it cropped at Bristol:http://www.vr6oc.com/e107_plugins/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?143643.post Link to post Share on other sites
VR6MANN 0 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 pmsl Link to post Share on other sites
VR6MANN 0 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Meet a game old bird in the pub tonight. She must have been in her late 50s. She asked me if I'd ever had a mother and daughter at the same time. I replied, "No". She took me back to hers. Shat myself when we got in and she shouted, "Mum. Are you still awakekeep all the jokes coming have been pmsl Link to post Share on other sites
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