Petesvw 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 what do you call two irish gay guys ?Patrick fitzgerald and greald fitzpatrick. :S :$ Link to post Share on other sites
nd 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 Rock on pete :-p Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Lee 1 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 I was at the cash point earlier when this little old lady asked me if I would check her balance!So I pushed the old cunt over....... Link to post Share on other sites
cadguy77 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 > A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he stumbles down> a riverbed and bumps into a preacher who is baptizing people. The> startledpreacher turns around and is overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol.>>> He asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?">>> The drunk answers, "Yes, I am.">>> So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and> asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?">>> The drunk replies, "No, I have not found Jesus.">>> The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a> little longer. He again pulls the intoxicated man out of the water and> asks, "Haveyou found Jesus?">>> The drunk replies, "No, I have not found Jesus.">>> By this time, the preacher is at his wits end, so he dunks the drunk in > the> water again, but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds.>>> When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, he quickly pulls him up.>>> The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found> Jesus?">>> The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,> "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" Link to post Share on other sites
MrsC 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 oh cadguy - how predictable Link to post Share on other sites
cadguy77 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 cheers han, thought i'd put my penth in... Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted May 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 LMFAO lee : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted May 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story I hear you ask....................... oh, come on... take a guess! You can't kill two birds with one stone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
katconcarne 0 Posted May 29, 2006 Report Share Posted May 29, 2006 oh dear pete! ROFL at Lee´s old lady joke tho! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsC 0 Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 lmao @ pete, thats not the ending i was expecting, but did make me chuckle Link to post Share on other sites
katconcarne 0 Posted June 1, 2006 Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 a young boy sees his mum getting out of the shower,`wassat?´ he asks her,´that´s where daddy hit me with an axe´ she replies,puzzled he exclaims, ´he must be a good shot then, he got you right in the c*n´t!´that´s a oldy i just read from this month´s german `vice`. Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Kat! Kaiserslautern, that any where near kaisersozai?? Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2006 i got my wife a new pair of turtle shell slippers the other day. only problem is it takes her a bloody hour to answer the door!_________________ Link to post Share on other sites
goonersteve 0 Posted June 7, 2006 Report Share Posted June 7, 2006 Owen Hargreaves 8-) Link to post Share on other sites
cadguy77 0 Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 eh steve?Right i've got a winner here, what d'ya think:A young Native American woman went to the doctor for her first ever Medical examination.After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctorsaid: "Well, Running Doe, you're in fine health and I don't detect any problems.However, I did spot one strange abnormality...""What's that, doctor?""Well, it appears you don't have nipples.""None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied."That's amazing!" said the doctor. "I would love to write this up for The American Journal of Medicine, if you don't mind.""No, that's fine by me," she replied."First of all," asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"She replied: "Approximately 500.""And what is the name of your tribe?" he asked. To which Running Doe Replied..................."We're known as The Indian-Nippleless 500..." Link to post Share on other sites
katconcarne 0 Posted June 9, 2006 Report Share Posted June 9, 2006 Oh dear Cadguy, that one only got a sort of smirk out of me!It must be a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2006 LOL cadders.Ok gonna go really shite now, even i didn't laugh, but hey this is a bad joke thread!!did you hear don king has moved house....................... he lives in high barnet. Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2006 A blonde woman was tired of people calling her names and teasing her because of the colour of her hair, so she decided to kill herself. She found some rope and went to the park. She tied one end of the rope to a branch of a tree, climbed the tree and then tied the other end of the rope to her neck. "Good bye, cruel world," and with that, she slid of the branch. A couple of hours later, a man was walking in the park, when he noticed a blonde hanging from the tree, but the rope was now round her waiste. "What are you doing?" the man asked in surprise. "Im killing myself because the world is an evil place." she said with a tear in her eye. "Well, isn't the rope supposed to be round your neck if your commiting sucide?" he said. "Oh yes, but i tried that and couldn't breathe!" Link to post Share on other sites
katconcarne 0 Posted June 17, 2006 Report Share Posted June 17, 2006 oh dear Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Lee 1 Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 okI parked in a disabled bay in Sainburys the weekend andthe traffic warden came over to me and said,'Hey! Whats your disability?' I said, 'Touretts, Now Fuck Off'. (h) Link to post Share on other sites
nd 0 Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 f*****g hilarious can always rely on ya lee for a laugh :-d Link to post Share on other sites
MrsC 0 Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 ok, here's my poor effort.Guy goes to the doctors complaining he can't say he's F and T.To which the doctor replied 'you can't say fairer then that' Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oh han, lol Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 A Polish man moved to the U.S. and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well, until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him, "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?" Polish Man: "Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home." Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?" Polish Man: "It made of concrete." Lawyer: "Does either of you have a real grudge?" Polish Man: "No, we have carport, and not need one." Lawyer: "I mean, What are your relations like?" Polish Man: "All my relations still in Poland." Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" Polish Man: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player." Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?" Polish Man: "No, I always up before her." Lawyer: "Why do you want this divorce?" Polish Man: "She going to kill me." Lawyer: "What makes you think that?" Polish Man: "I got proof. Lawyer: "What kind of proof?" Polish Man: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and it say, Polish Remover." Link to post Share on other sites
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