F**k it! Start the bad joke thread again, 'cos im in the lead!

[MrsC 0]

LMFAO!!!!!!

[katconcarne 0]

THE OLD ONES ARE THE WORST!

[katconcarne 0]

LMFAO @ LEE! TOURETTES!

HERE´S ONE MY BF JUST TOLD ME;

WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WITH TWO BLACK EYES?

NOTHING; SHE´S ALREASY BEEN TOLD TWICE!

(@)

[Petesvw 0]

LOL katie : )

[MrsC 0]

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightening. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and they are all going to die.

At the height of the storm, and extremely attractive young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

She sees a hand raise in the back, and a handsome, tall muscular man smiles and starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She sees his huge muscles-even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her...

"Here, iron this!"

[MrsC 0]

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading---a couple of minutes later he asked the priest, "Father what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man".

"Well I'll be damned", the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong---how long have you had arthritis"?

"I don't, father, I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it".

[MrsC 0]

Back in the days of the glorious British Empire, a young officer arrived at his first posting, the command of a tiny fort in the middle of the desert, twenty miles from the nearest town.

His new second-in-command is showing him around the base, when just outside the fort's walls they come across a decrepid, flea-ridden old camel.

'What's this bloomin' camel for?' asked the officer?

'Well, sir,' his second-in-command replied, 'the troops, stuck out here in the desert for months at a time, have certain... er... manly needs, from time to time. And when they need to do something about them, they use old Deirdre the camel here'.

The officer, rather embarrassed, says nothing, and continues with the tour.

A few months go by, and the officer is beginning to feel those 'manly needs' himself. So he calls his number two and says:

'I feel I may... erm... require the services of Deirdre the camel tonight. Tell me, when the men...erm... use her, do they have her bathed first?'

'Yes, sir'.

'Well then, see to it that she is bathed'.

'They also have her flea-powdered, first, sir'.

'Very good, see that that is done, too. And I couldn't help but notice that she is a rather tall animal. Tell me, do the men use a ladder when they,

erm... mount her?'

'Yes sir, always'.

'Very well, see to it that a ladder is provided'.

'Very good sir. She'll be prepared for you within the hour.'

After an hour, the officer is escorted to the side of the fort, where Deirde waits, powdered, washed and with a ladder by her side.

The officer moves the ladder to the back of the animal, climbs it, drops his pants and begins furiously ramming into the backside of the animal. He motions to his second-in-command:

'Tell me, is this how the men do it?'

'Well, no sir, they normally ride the camel to the nearest town and pay for a prostitute, sir'

[MrsC 0]

A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: "Our deepest sympathy." But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, "Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too."

[Petesvw 0]

Hmmm.lol

[lee060 3]

a thread dedicated to bad jokes eh? . hmm ok i belong ere then here goes "whats the difference between women and computers?" ....

"women dont accept floppys " how cr4p was that lol i deserve a medal

[Petesvw 0]

LOL, definately a contender dude ; )

[lee060 3]

lmAo cheers good to know i know where i belong eh LoL

[cadguy77 0]

Paddy was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him

on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,

and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly

60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my

instructions?"

Paddy nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were

going to drop dead dat 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skippin' !!!!!"

(GROAN :-( )

[Petesvw 0]

LOL, too good for this thread cadders ; )